I don’t know why, in a game explicitly about dating and fucking men, they’d include this asshole, the least fuckable man in video game history.
Motherfucker’s favorite movie is Old Yeller, he can quote it
from memory, he won’t let his kids watch Ed Edd n Eddy, this guy’s idea of a
first date is to volunteer at the church open raffle and drop you off at home
by 8, motherfucker gets you a $10 gift card for Applebees as a first
anniversary present, some guys are carved out of marble, this guy? carved out of
provolone cheese. this asshole has strong opinions on the latest Serena
Williams tennis controversy and her “attitude problems”, the first time you
finally fuck he keeps playing Bryan Adams songs on his sex playlist, “hey great
job with the sex, let’s go wash our hands”, this dude has been divorced three
times and met his current wife at the Three Days Grace concert “Son can you
help me set up the parental controls on Netflix?” motherfucker spent money on
Google Glass, he only ever gets pizza from Safeway because it’s “healthier”,
“’Hey’ is for horses, son, in this house we say ‘excuse me’”, asshole discusses
Big Bang Theory lore with his depressed wife, “haha if it won’t scan that means
it’s free right?”, dude has a different polo shirt for every occasion and
holiday, this motherfucker goes to the store for cereal and decides to go wild
and buys the organic coco puffs knock off, this dude collects Great Clips
coupons, motherfucker tastes like zero-sugar applesauce, this guy’s guilty
pleasure is his secret Entertainment Weekly subscription, “I can’t be racist, I’ve watched The Cosby
Show”, this dude goes on facebook and shares Mitt Romney memes and tells his
kids about it, motherfucker uses youtube’s restricted mode, this guy’s pride
and joy is his collected edition of Richie Rich comics and he thinks modern-day
Garfield his hilarious, he calls anime “japanimation”, grabs his family and
hops in the SUV to drive three hours to go see Grandpa’s choir performance,
“don’t give that man any money, he’ll just spend it on weed”, dumbass falls for
an updogg joke and posts a How I Met Your Mother gif as a reaction,
motherfucker uses his sprinklers during a water ban because be damned if his
topiary stallions are gonna go to shit on his watch, dude says rap music doesn’t
make sense while filing his Beatles albums alphabetically
